1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,590 the only thought I had at that point 2 00:00:03,990 --> 00:00:07,750 was uh the watch is gonna have a hell 3 00:00:07,750 --> 00:00:09,750 of a mess to clean up here in a few 4 00:00:09,750 --> 00:00:13,150 minutes . And I just 5 00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:17,970 put the weapon deep in my , 6 00:00:18,130 --> 00:00:21,250 in my mouth because you know , I've 7 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:23,361 seen too many movies where people try 8 00:00:23,361 --> 00:00:25,770 to commit suicide and mess it up and 9 00:00:25,770 --> 00:00:28,090 they were vegetables . Like I'm gonna 10 00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,500 make sure this is done thorough . I had 11 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,930 appointed where it needed to point and 12 00:00:32,930 --> 00:00:35,430 I just simply started pulling the 13 00:00:35,430 --> 00:00:38,350 pressure on the trigger and 14 00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:46,860 yeah , yeah , nobody , 15 00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:49,650 nobody sets out to to uh 16 00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:55,360 just suddenly come down with depression . 17 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,520 You just , you don't , you don't , for 18 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:00,853 me , I didn't didn't even see it coming . 19 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:03,640 It was so slow and so , so insidious 20 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,920 that you just , I never saw was coming . 21 00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:08,041 You know , I had everything going for 22 00:01:08,041 --> 00:01:10,041 me . I was , I was in our dedicated 23 00:01:10,041 --> 00:01:12,660 crew chief , had my own aircraft , uh 24 00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:17,100 been married forever . No 25 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:20,660 financial issues . Just 26 00:01:20,670 --> 00:01:23,760 slowly . I just noticed that uh 27 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:28,430 yeah , I wasn't , I wasn't feeling 28 00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:30,597 anything . I was watching myself every 29 00:01:30,597 --> 00:01:33,550 day , just go through the motions . It 30 00:01:33,550 --> 00:01:36,570 was like just watching a movie like you 31 00:01:36,570 --> 00:01:38,626 know there I am , getting up there . 32 00:01:38,626 --> 00:01:40,626 I'm driving to work there . I am at 33 00:01:40,626 --> 00:01:43,860 work . Uh nobody at work had a clue 34 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,807 do anything was going on because I did 35 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,540 such a great job of disguising it . You 36 00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:51,596 know , my my closest friends at work 37 00:01:51,596 --> 00:01:53,810 didn't didn't see anything anytime 38 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:55,810 anybody asked how you doing great , 39 00:01:55,810 --> 00:01:58,190 Everything's great . You know , you you 40 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,360 you don't want anyone to know that 41 00:02:01,940 --> 00:02:03,850 Everything is not great . Around 42 00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:06,210 September 2009 we were going back to 43 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,154 the O . R . This was going to be a 44 00:02:08,154 --> 00:02:10,910 longer tour of duty . I knew I needed 45 00:02:10,910 --> 00:02:13,450 help , but I didn't know what to do , 46 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:16,700 how to how to fix this because I had 47 00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:18,867 told myself I'll take care of this . I 48 00:02:18,867 --> 00:02:21,120 can fix this . I'm a mechanic . I fix 49 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,398 things is what I do . I can fix myself . 50 00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:26,950 But there's no road map . There's 51 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,730 there's no nothing that says you do 52 00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:32,880 this . I woke up one morning with 53 00:02:32,890 --> 00:02:36,230 tremendous pain in my lower lower 54 00:02:36,230 --> 00:02:38,286 abdomen , lower back that I've never 55 00:02:38,286 --> 00:02:41,400 had before . I mean it was painful . So 56 00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:43,760 the wife said I gotta go see a doctor . 57 00:02:44,140 --> 00:02:46,810 But they finally got me back . Uh did 58 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:50,210 any MRI and gave me some some pain meds 59 00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:53,510 and the attending physician announced 60 00:02:53,510 --> 00:02:55,454 to me since you got you got kidney 61 00:02:55,454 --> 00:02:57,788 stones , you got a lot of kidney stones . 62 00:02:57,788 --> 00:03:00,460 So , I was like , that's news to me 63 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,120 anyhow . I'm leaving Tuesday to go . 64 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,231 There are , it's like , no you're not 65 00:03:06,231 --> 00:03:08,650 because monday you're gonna see the uh 66 00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:11,300 face urologist here . So it did . Came 67 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,560 in monday saw the base urologists . He 68 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,338 confirmed no , you're not going 69 00:03:15,338 --> 00:03:17,480 anywhere . This is a this is a 70 00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:19,379 threatening condition . You can't 71 00:03:19,379 --> 00:03:21,660 deploy with this , but here's how we 72 00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:25,610 solve this . Yeah . So we did 73 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,673 all that . Came in for the first 74 00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:30,410 procedure . Uh everything went great . 75 00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:32,760 Came in for the second procedure two 76 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,850 weeks later . Uh it uh 77 00:03:36,740 --> 00:03:38,740 it went well in one kidney when he 78 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,796 moved to the left , the laser device 79 00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:44,330 that he uses discharged and nick my 80 00:03:44,330 --> 00:03:47,390 your order to for that kidney . And it 81 00:03:47,390 --> 00:03:49,557 bloodied up the kidney . And he had to 82 00:03:49,557 --> 00:03:51,668 stop procedure . But he says , no , I 83 00:03:51,668 --> 00:03:53,668 gotta get a little problem . So I'm 84 00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:56,120 gonna send you home for for a couple of 85 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,120 weeks . Within a couple of days . I 86 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,530 started feeling really uh really 87 00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:05,460 poorly , um lost that tired . 88 00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:08,960 I was just feeling really , really blah . 89 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:13,400 And I called it the urologist up 90 00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:16,570 and explain what's going on and that I 91 00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:18,730 was having some pains also in my 92 00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:21,008 abdomen and all . And he's like , yeah , 93 00:04:21,008 --> 00:04:23,230 you know , don't don't worry about it . 94 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,286 It's uh this is common . A few of my 95 00:04:25,286 --> 00:04:27,740 patients have reactions to the stents . 96 00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:29,740 They're just giving you some pain . 97 00:04:29,740 --> 00:04:32,073 Don't just press onto it should be fine . 98 00:04:32,073 --> 00:04:34,990 So by white cell blood count was well 99 00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:38,760 past 32,000 , which was indicative 100 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,260 of infection . There was something 101 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,640 terribly wrong , but we didn't know 102 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,160 what . So I managed to make it through 103 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,290 the night and checked into the case for 104 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,560 medical the next morning . Uh the 105 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,340 infectious diseases that doctor showed 106 00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:57,060 up , a major uh he's ready to go . I I 107 00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:59,690 can't remember stand , but he walked in . 108 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,690 He was a matter of fact , he says , 109 00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:04,090 well If you can make it through these 110 00:05:04,090 --> 00:05:06,940 next 12 hours , That will help you make 111 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,107 it through the next 24 . He says right 112 00:05:09,107 --> 00:05:11,273 now , I can't get into you . That , he 113 00:05:11,273 --> 00:05:15,090 says , you're highly septic and I'm 114 00:05:15,090 --> 00:05:16,923 gonna start you on a cocktail of 115 00:05:16,923 --> 00:05:19,590 antibiotics . They're pretty harsh to 116 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:21,790 be side effects , but Got to Try to 117 00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:22,760 Save Your Life 1st .